Thursday, September 25, 2003
This from a chat: EntropyHed:: oh i have a mildly amusing story... Oren Grudgebearer:: I liked Bonanza ipaulo:: me too. nothing wrong with Bonanza EntropyHed:: adrienne and I were sitting in the kitchen friday night after spending a couple hours starting to get ready for my sisters baby shower we were hosting EntropyHed:: we both noticed that our cats were staring ears forward at the cabinet beneath our kitchen sink EntropyHed:: so... ipaulo:: uh oh EntropyHed:: (a little lighter and bold will help) EntropyHed:: i crouch down and listen and...nothing...at first EntropyHed:: then i here that tell tale crunching sound EntropyHed:: i grab a flashlight and slowly open the cupboard EntropyHed:: adrienne is peering over my shoulder and i notice a hole in the back left on a board that seperates the sink from the dishwasher Urda:: haus maus EntropyHed:: about that time a grey tree rat pokes his head out of the hole EntropyHed:: notices he has a crowd and disappears back inside ipaulo:: KILL IT. ipaulo:: darn. got away EntropyHed:: (he was really cute BTW) ipaulo:: they spread disease. and little tiny poops too. Urda:: i have chewed too far today EntropyHed:: so i take off the bottom of the dishwasher and notice just in time his feet disappear EntropyHed:: so.... EntropyHed:: this is 12:00 at night now EntropyHed:: i disconnect the dishwasher and slowly pull it out, tense...waiting Urda:: turtle! kermie! earn your keep! EntropyHed:: ...nothing...but lots of...um...rat scat Urda:: nice EntropyHed:: when i finally get it most of the way out i notice another hole...this one disappearing into the wall EntropyHed:: again...a little peek by our rat and a disappearing act EntropyHed:: so... EntropyHed:: i look at adrienne...she looks at me Urda:: and you name it fred EntropyHed:: "i can't kill it" ( i release spiders to the wild for crissakes) EntropyHed:: "me either" Oren Grudgebearer:: what was that movie that came out awhile ago? Mouse Hunt? Where they destroyed the house trying to get the mouse EntropyHed:: "well we can't just let is wander around" EntropyHed:: so using cardboard aluminum coookie sheet we cover up the holes EntropyHed:: there are 3 total EntropyHed:: and resolve to deal with it in the morning EntropyHed:: we turn out the lights to the sounds of little feet and teeth on aluminum EntropyHed:: next morning EntropyHed:: we are trying to figure out what to do... EntropyHed:: first we go through a massive cleanup EntropyHed:: we write off the dishwasher (even though it works fine) EntropyHed:: it's outside as we speak Oren Grudgebearer:: lol EntropyHed:: i can't hear anything so start to remove the temporary anti rat measures Oren Grudgebearer:: he got into the dishwasher? EntropyHed:: not inside the cleaning part...but up all around the electrical and motor Oren Grudgebearer:: ahh, don't want to take the chance of an electrical fire EntropyHed:: i remove the last "patch" and... EntropyHed:: [nope] EntropyHed:: ...peek.. EntropyHed:: find out later...he's in a dead end ipaulo:: they have traps that are nonlethal Oren Grudgebearer:: yeah, my parents had one EntropyHed:: we walled it in last night like some old wine cellar story ipaulo:: you can take him on a hike in the little trap and drop off near a snake hole. Oren Grudgebearer:: has a spring door type of thing that flips the mouse into a holding box EntropyHed:: i slam the cooke sheet back in place and we brainstoem for bit Oren Grudgebearer:: fire always works /wink EntropyHed:: adrienne get a smallish cardboard box and cuts a cartoon-like mouse hole in one side ipaulo:: this is going to get ugly i fear ipaulo:: EntropyHed:: we put some bacon in it and I hold it against the hole Oren Grudgebearer:: bacon, you need to use peanut butter EntropyHed:: adrienne has an appointment and goes to take a shower... Oren Grudgebearer:: hehe EntropyHed:: so I'm waiting now by myself holding a cardboard box against the wall...frozen...waiting waiting wating... EntropyHed:: and i wait some more ipaulo:: RUN AWAY! EntropyHed:: my muscles are cramping now EntropyHed:: and i hear some noises EntropyHed:: and some scratching in the box ipaulo:: watch out! It's a Witch-Mouse EntropyHed:: then EntropyHed:: i feel the whole weight og the mouse EntropyHed:: quickly i try to move the box so it can't get out EntropyHed:: but it's too smart EntropyHed:: i trap it halfway in the box and the wall Oren Grudgebearer:: ewww EntropyHed:: my resolve weakens as i hear it struggle and i pull the box away EntropyHed:: so it runs back in the hole EntropyHed:: *sigh* EntropyHed:: i refresh the bait and do it again... EntropyHed:: s l o w l y EntropyHed:: i hear scratching again EntropyHed:: then in the box EntropyHed:: i move it quickly ipaulo:: really stupid mouse EntropyHed:: ...nothing... ipaulo:: but fast.. EntropyHed:: i shake the box EntropyHed:: ...nothing... ipaulo:: and fed.. EntropyHed:: i pull it away from the wall and look inside Oren Grudgebearer:: you put your eye to the hole ? EntropyHed:: like some posessed jack in the box this rat springs from the box Oren Grudgebearer:: Lol ipaulo:: it likes bacon. You thy enemy and the battle is almost yours. ipaulo:: it had huge fangs! ipaulo:: get the holy handgrenade Urda:: the holy handgrenade of antioch! Oren Grudgebearer joined EntropyHed:: I'm sitting crosslegged by the cupboard and it has no where to go since in my panic i dropped the box and it falls in front of it's exit ipaulo:: Good thing adrienne is in the shower Urda:: well e...it is a tree rat Oren Grudgebearer:: doh, I was disconnected... what I miss EntropyHed:: after noticing this...it doubles back... EntropyHed:: runs along the top of my left leg (I'm wearing shorts) Urda:: bah...just grab the tail and fling it out the window EntropyHed:: [it's FAST] Dyrk:: Ahhhh! Urda:: hehe EntropyHed:: banks across my midsection and down my other leg EntropyHed:: then... EntropyHed:: I'm squeaking like a girl Dyrk:: Lol! EntropyHed:: it realizes it's still trapped and heads back at me EntropyHed:: runs up my chest and over my left shoulder into the greater house Dyrk:: Run away!!! Urda::
Dyrk:: And the cats at this point?
EntropyHed:: [the cats are locked up]
ipaulo:: WOAH! It ran up your body?! KILL IT!!!
ipaulo:: release the cats!
Urda:: rat cooties!
Dyrk:: Unleash the hounds! Err. Cats!
ipaulo:: right away! My god!
EntropyHed:: it's now under our sofa looking terrified and turbo charged
Urda:: turtle! kermie! earn your keep!
EntropyHed:: so i open the front door hoping it will run out on it's own
Oren Grudgebearer:: thats why you have cats
Dyrk:: To crawl back under the house then gnaw through your wall again...
Oren Grudgebearer:: let the cats chase it out... ewww, it touched you.....
Urda:: eric has rat cooties
EntropyHed:: so i take my son's toy fishing pole and laying down prod it
ipaulo:: have you burned your clothes at this point yet to get rid of the aforementioned rat cooties?
EntropyHed:: tap it again and it runs toward the door
ipaulo:: more bacon must be the answer at this point
Dyrk:: Gloves are good.
EntropyHed:: runs right by the door under the kitchen table
ipaulo:: bacon ON the fishing pole?
Dyrk:: Stupid rodent.
Urda:: bacon on the cat on the fishing pole
Oren Grudgebearer:: ok, I am still laughing out loud...
Dyrk:: (Rat fishing?)
EntropyHed:: i end up chasing it back under the sofa
EntropyHed:: [by the door again]
Dyrk:: (But you shouldda seen the one that got away!)
EntropyHed:: more prodding this time goes and runs under the entertainment center
ipaulo:: NOT THE TV!
EntropyHed:: i call in the troops
Urda:: that's a beyotch
EntropyHed:: mom! dad!
EntropyHed:: i need your help
Urda:: rat! out! now!
EntropyHed:: so they come over
ipaulo:: Can I have your TV? Rat poop and all. (like your dishwasher)
ipaulo:: electrical fires and all.
Dyrk:: Need to be safe, after all.
EntropyHed:: i give my mom two long peices of plywood and my dad lays down chairs
Urda:: mom! got bacon?
EntropyHed:: we now have a narrow raceway leading outside
Urda:: no bacon?
EntropyHed:: so i start prodding the thing again and it runs...
Dyrk:: Where he will go under the house and gnaw his way through the wall to look for more bacon... :) )
EntropyHed:: up into the entertainment center
Oren Grudgebearer:: speaking of TV's... ours stopped working today... looks like Daddy is going to get a big screen
Dyrk:: Woo hoo!
Urda:: because that's where the bacon is
EntropyHed:: it's hiding under the tv
Dyrk:: I holding out for plasma...
Dyrk:: The 5 -year plan has been reset...
ipaulo:: stay on target@!
Urda:: so you put bacon in the tv
EntropyHed:: so i stick it somemore witht he fishing pole starting to think i need some #10 hooks
ipaulo:: is adrienne at the store now getting bacon?
Urda:: oh god
Urda:: my sides
EntropyHed:: when it runs out of the entertainment center and does this half kangaroo hopping thing out the front door...
Oren Grudgebearer:: treble hooks
Urda:: and then runs back in for more bacon
ipaulo:: but wait...
ipaulo:: there must be more!?
ipaulo:: invent something.
Urda:: bacon maus
EntropyHed:: "I" run to hope depot pick up a huge box of rat poison a sheet of half inch plywood and drywall screws
ipaulo:: and more bacon.
Oren Grudgebearer:: with #10 hooks
Urda:: i'm crying i'm laughing so hard
Dyrk:: The rat-trap of eternal perrrril.
EntropyHed:: proceed to cram the poison into every orifice
EntropyHed:: and screw the plywood over the holes
Oren Grudgebearer:: you could bathe instead
Urda:: mmmm cooties
EntropyHed:: then...I take a shower
Oren Grudgebearer:: burn the clothes
EntropyHed:: that's my story
ipaulo:: yuck. you didn't shower and change before going out for more bacon? That's gross!
Oren Grudgebearer:: must say, that was entertaining
ipaulo:: and unproductive!
EntropyHed:: i had a pretty good laugh too...afterwards
ipaulo:: i like that you called your parents.
ipaulo:: that's sweet
EntropyHed:: they live next door
Oren Grudgebearer:: classic
Oren Grudgebearer:: Paul, you must brighten your text... i'm getting eye strain
EntropyHed:: the funniest part
EntropyHed:: is adrienne is in the shower and she can hear the whole thing
EntropyHed:: did she come out? nope
EntropyHed:: her parting words to me before going into the shower were "Don't let get into the house"
ipaulo:: how's this O?
EntropyHed:: go bold
EntropyHed:: there ya go
Oren Grudgebearer:: ahh, mucho mejor
ipaulo:: boy, after that, I want to go home and play SWG. Not sure why.
Oren Grudgebearer:: /grin
ipaulo:: and check the apartment for bacon.
ipaulo:: er... rats
Oren Grudgebearer:: still think peanut butter works better
ipaulo:: THAT'S IT E! If you'd just used peanut butter
ipaulo:: then, when it was in the box, it would have been too busy doing that roof-of-mouth licking thing dogs do when they eat pb. it couldn't have run away
EntropyHed:: yeah you're probably right
ipaulo:: next time.
EntropyHed:: no next time
EntropyHed:: i put a lifetimes supply of rat poison under, above, in the house walls
EntropyHed:: my house will have the toxic halflife of a nevada desert
Urda:: ah yes...the foothil tree rat
Posted by Entropy Hed at 9/25/2003 11:15:00 AM